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Ellis Abel Learns.
Losing Well icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 4-12

Ages 4-12 · Book 5, Empathy · 4,299 places

Losing Well

Trainable, and almost never trained. It gets treated as a temperament a child either has or does not.

Built on Ellis Abel and the Helping Hand — “What matters more than earning a Gold Star?” A character series, not a curriculum with a worldview attached.

The five sessions

  1. Session 1

    Read the story and stop at the moment Maya's work is ruined

  2. Session 2

    Ask what Ellis Abel stood to lose by helping

  3. Session 3

    Name the harder thing: telling the truth about a mistake

  4. Session 4

    Each child names one person they will notice this week

  5. Session 5

    Follow up by name and ask what they noticed

Questions leaders ask

Is losing well in your area a religious program?

No. Ellis Abel is a character series. Each volume carries one named core value — this one is empathy — and the story does the teaching. There is no doctrine in it, nothing to opt out of, and it is used in public schools, libraries and secular programs as readily as anywhere else.

What ages does this work for?

Ages 4-12. The story is read aloud, so a child who cannot read yet is fully in it, and the discussion prompts are written in two bands so one adult can hold a mixed-age room.

We have tried things like this in your area before and stopped. Why is this different?

Because it is ten minutes and it survives a missed night. There is no streak to break and nothing to catch up on — you pick up at the next chapter.

What if my child will not talk about it?

Then read it anyway and say nothing. Children answer days later, in the car, about something else entirely. The prompts are there when they are ready, not a toll you have to pay to finish the book.

The rules that make it work

Helping has to cost something

Kindness that is free teaches nothing, and children over about eight already know it. The cost is named out loud in every session.

Notice first — it is an attention skill

Empathy gets taught as a feeling children are supposed to summon. It starts as noticing one specific person, which is trainable and testable.

Owning a mistake is the harder lesson

Helping a friend is easier than admitting you were the one who caused the problem. The book teaches both, and this is the one adults skip.

Do not announce it

The moment helping becomes a thing you are seen doing, it becomes a performance. The follow-up asks what changed for the other person, never how the helper felt.

Success is bigger than the award

The gold star is in the title for a reason. A room that only celebrates outcomes has already taught the lesson this book is arguing with.

Adults go first, with a real mistake

An adult naming something they got wrong, at a cost, changes a room faster than any activity in it.

Losing Well by metro area

Northeast

Midwest

South

West

Cities and all 3,143 US counties are covered too — every place page is live. The campaign sitemap lists every one.

Related programs

Raising a Kind Child icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 4-12Raising a Kind ChildAges 4-12Noticing When Someone Is Struggling icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 5-12Noticing OthersAges 5-12Kindness Between Siblings icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 4-12Sibling KindnessAges 4-12Telling the Truth About a Mistake icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 5-12Owning a MistakeAges 5-12Apologising and Repairing icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 4-11ApologisingAges 4-11When Someone Else Wins icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 5-13When Someone Else WinsAges 5-13Helping Without Being Asked icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 5-12Helping UnaskedAges 5-12Gratitude That Means Something icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 5-12GratitudeAges 5-12Comforting a Friend icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 5-12Comforting a FriendAges 5-12Volunteering as a Family icon — Ellis Abel Learns Book 5, empathy, for children ages 5-14Family VolunteeringAges 5-14

The rest of the series

Book 1AccountabilityBig feelings. Small choices. Real accountability.Book 2BelongingBeing brave means showing up anyway.Book 3ConfidenceTurn fear into confidence, one step at a time.Book 4DiscernmentChoose what you feed within.Book 6FaithDifference isn’t weakness. It’s a gift.