Ages 8-16 · Durham, NC metro area · Book 2, Belonging

Peer Mentoring — Durham, NC

The Durham–Chapel Hill, NC metro area has about 625,485 residents, ranking 93rd in the country. Schools count incidents. Nobody counts the children who are simply alone, because being alone is not an incident and does not appear in any system.

Older students paired with younger ones, with a script, because a mentor with no script defaults to being nice and nothing happens.

The book behind it

Ellis Abel and the Scary Playground

“Being brave means showing up anyway.”

Everyone feels different sometimes.
Talking about feelings makes us stronger.
Belonging begins with one brave step.

Ellis Abel is a character series. Volume 2 carries the value belonging, and the story does the teaching. There is no doctrine in it and nothing for a family to opt out of, which is why it runs in Durham, NC in public schools, libraries, clubs and living rooms without changing a word.

Read about Ellis Abel and the Scary Playground · The whole series

Five sessions in Durham

Session 1
Map the room: who is alone, and where does it happen
Session 2
Read the story and name what would have helped him
Session 3
Assign the pairing, and keep it for more than one day
Session 4
Run the week, and let the new child steer what happens next
Session 5
Ask the new child, not the volunteers, whether it worked

What Durham, NC leaders ask first

Is peer mentoring in Durham, NC a religious program?

No. Ellis Abel is a character series. Each volume carries one named core value — this one is belonging — and the story does the teaching. There is no doctrine in it, nothing to opt out of, and it is used in public schools, libraries and secular programs as readily as anywhere else.

What ages does this work for?

Ages 8-16. The story is read aloud, so a child who cannot read yet is fully in it, and the discussion prompts are written in two bands so one adult can hold a mixed-age room.

How long does a session take in a Durham, NC classroom?

Twenty to thirty minutes, structured as read-aloud, small group, and one step each child names out loud before they leave the room.

Does this need a specialist to deliver?

No. It is written for the classroom teacher, the counselor, or whoever has the room that period. The leader script carries the questions and the follow-ups.

How a session actually runs in Durham

Step 1
The fence is a reasonable place to stand
Nobody is told they are being silly. A child at the edge of a Durham, NC playground has correctly worked out that walking up to a group can go badly. The session starts by agreeing with them, because a child who is argued with stops talking.
Step 2
Everyone in this room has stood there
The second session is the adults going first, out loud, with a real time they were the outsider. It changes a room faster than anything a child says, and it is the reason the story uses a swordsman rather than a lecture.
Step 3
One person, not the group
The single most useful correction in the whole book. Children are told to join in, which means facing a group, which is the hardest possible version. One person, chosen in advance, asked one question about something they already like, is a move a seven-year-old can actually make.
Step 4
Brave is what happens after you go, not before
Children wait to feel ready and the feeling never arrives on schedule. The last session names the order properly: you go, and then the brave shows up. Every child leaves with the name of their one person and the question they will ask.

The rules that make it work

It is a character story, not a social skills assessment

No child is scored, graded or sorted into a social tier. The room gets shared language and a move to practise, and nothing about a child is recorded.

Never make the left-out child the project

A program that visibly organises itself around one child has told the whole room who that child is. Everything here is run for everyone.

One person, not the whole group

Joining a group is the hardest version of the task and the one children are always told to do. One person, chosen beforehand, is the version that works.

Difference is the asset, said plainly

Not "everyone is special", which children correctly hear as nothing. The specific thing that makes this child the odd one out is named, and then used.

Adults go first

An adult describing their own time at the fence gives permission that no amount of encouragement does.

Ask the new child whether it worked

Not the volunteers, not the popular children, not the staff. The person who was alone is the only reliable measure of whether a belonging program works.