Ages 5-14 · Appleton, WI metro area · Book 2, Belonging

Adopted Children — Appleton, WI

A child in Appleton, WI who is the only one — the only wheelchair, the only one with two dads, the only one who moved here from somewhere else — is doing arithmetic every morning that nobody else in the room is doing. The Appleton, WI metro area has about 249,876 residents, ranking 197th in the country.

Belonging questions that arrive on their own schedule, usually years after everyone assumed the subject was settled.

The book behind it

Ellis Abel and the Scary Playground

“Being brave means showing up anyway.”

Everyone feels different sometimes.
Talking about feelings makes us stronger.
Belonging begins with one brave step.

Ellis Abel is a character series. Volume 2 carries the value belonging, and the story does the teaching. There is no doctrine in it and nothing for a family to opt out of, which is why it runs in Appleton, WI in public schools, libraries, clubs and living rooms without changing a word.

Read about Ellis Abel and the Scary Playground · The whole series

Five sessions in Appleton

Session 1
Read one chapter, no questions the first night
Session 2
Second night, ask what part they would change and why
Session 3
Third night, tell them a time you got this wrong yourself
Session 4
Fourth night, they pick the family's one step for the week
Session 5
Fifth night, come back to it and say out loud what changed

What Appleton, WI leaders ask first

Is adopted children in Appleton, WI a religious program?

No. Ellis Abel is a character series. Each volume carries one named core value — this one is belonging — and the story does the teaching. There is no doctrine in it, nothing to opt out of, and it is used in public schools, libraries and secular programs as readily as anywhere else.

What ages does this work for?

Ages 5-14. The story is read aloud, so a child who cannot read yet is fully in it, and the discussion prompts are written in two bands so one adult can hold a mixed-age room.

Will this work for the children in Appleton, WI who need it most?

It is built to. Participation is allowed to look different — listening from the edge of the room counts, and so does leaving early. Nothing in the session requires reading, speaking, or sitting still to take part.

Where do we start if we have never run anything like this?

One child and one adult who keeps the pairing. Not a program. Build the good half-hour for that child first, and let the second family hear about it from the first.

How a session actually runs in Appleton

Step 1
The fence is a reasonable place to stand
Nobody is told they are being silly. A child at the edge of a Appleton, WI playground has correctly worked out that walking up to a group can go badly. The session starts by agreeing with them, because a child who is argued with stops talking.
Step 2
Everyone in this room has stood there
The second session is the adults going first, out loud, with a real time they were the outsider. It changes a room faster than anything a child says, and it is the reason the story uses a swordsman rather than a lecture.
Step 3
One person, not the group
The single most useful correction in the whole book. Children are told to join in, which means facing a group, which is the hardest possible version. One person, chosen in advance, asked one question about something they already like, is a move a seven-year-old can actually make.
Step 4
Brave is what happens after you go, not before
Children wait to feel ready and the feeling never arrives on schedule. The last session names the order properly: you go, and then the brave shows up. Every child leaves with the name of their one person and the question they will ask.

The rules that make it work

It is a character story, not a social skills assessment

No child is scored, graded or sorted into a social tier. The room gets shared language and a move to practise, and nothing about a child is recorded.

Never make the left-out child the project

A program that visibly organises itself around one child has told the whole room who that child is. Everything here is run for everyone.

One person, not the whole group

Joining a group is the hardest version of the task and the one children are always told to do. One person, chosen beforehand, is the version that works.

Difference is the asset, said plainly

Not "everyone is special", which children correctly hear as nothing. The specific thing that makes this child the odd one out is named, and then used.

Adults go first

An adult describing their own time at the fence gives permission that no amount of encouragement does.

Ask the new child whether it worked

Not the volunteers, not the popular children, not the staff. The person who was alone is the only reliable measure of whether a belonging program works.